Beats solving your problems - 511 | Damn Heroes

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Wayward Raven Media

Why solve your problems when you can just run away, fake your death, change your identity, join the circus, and finally live out your dreams of being a lion tamer? -Alex “Has put way too much thought into this”

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Speed Limit

The Gig is up!

A Presumption of Innocence

Crime and ...

Delicates

Any club that would have me...

Any port in a storm

Stop me if you've heard this one

One Man's Trash

Radiant

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Who Left the Dimensional Portal Open Again?

I Said I Was Sorry

Friends Come and Go, but Enemies Accumulate

Conspiracy

Labstyles of the Vile and Villainous

Everyone Has to Start Somewhere

Even Evil Doctors Get the Blues

There's always Uncle Ben

Murder Was the Case That They Gave Me

A Place to Call My Own

It's Bigger on the Inside

Dating is Such Sweet Sorrow

What a Tangled Web

Snugglebunny

Careful What you Ask For

Do Not Pass "Go"

Be Home by 8:30

Strange Befellows

That Was Premature

Where Are We Going To Find Rubber Pants Our Size?

I’d Like a Serving of Community with a Side of Sarcasm

How Old Are You Now?

Sounds Like Someone Has Abandonment Issues

Do You Want To Talk About It?

Kirby Wuz Here

Cluckin’ A!

Cluck Shot First!

What’s in a Name?

Hoarders: The Evil Doctor Edition

That Tingling Feeling is How You Know it’s Working

Not Again

I Feel Like Chicken Tonight

Winners Never Quit

Meet Bob

High in Fiber

You’re Supposed to say `Who’s There`

Don’t Try This At Home

A Mystery Pummeled by an Enigma

That Not So Fresh Feeling

Did You Get a New Hairdo?

Dreadlocks

All Alone in the Moonlight

A Picture Says a Thousand Things You Didn’t Want to Say

Apology Not Accepted

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Where’s My Parade?

Not Exactly Millions of Voices

Here’s Johnny!

Slow News Day

Just Say No

Off to a Slow Start

Watch Out Man!

If You Can’t Beat Them…

A good man always knows his limitations

What is the Sound of One Opposite Generating?

Sibling Rivalry

That’s Despicable!

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

Like a Big Pizza Pie

You’re Going to Need a Bigger Boat

Hum a Few Bars

It Saves on Transaction Fees

Nothing Personal

A Thousand Channels And Nothing Is On

Just a Little Prick

Alcohol Preserves Everything Except Dignity

Happiness is a Warm Blanket

Hiding in Plane Sight

I wonder if this is how Nomad felt…?

Villainy Never Takes a Vacation

What Goes Around

It Isn’t Polite To Stare

Good Help is Hard to Find

For Every Action…

Afterbirth

You’ll Speak When Spoken To

Of Course You Realize This Means War

Oh The Humanity

Pax Super-Sapiens

Happy Trails

Know When to Fold ‘Em

Sucks To Be You

I Didn’t Get A Harrumph From That Guy!

Game Over, Man! Game Over!

No Paddle For You

Don’t Try This At Home, Kids!

I Was Vengeance Before It Was Cool

The Price is Wrong

Heal Thyself

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One

Bert’s Revenge

With a Little Help From My Friends

Just Snapping a Quick Selfie

I’m All Over Social Media

Found Him!

Try, Try Again

Don’t Meet Your Idol Kids

Do Not Arouse the Wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz

Constructive Criticism

Protective Custody

Abracadabra

Everyone’s a Critic

It makes the world go ’round

Layers. Like an onion.

Break on Through

Finally, A Straight Answer

Not Batman

Secondhand Tolkien is Dangerous Too

We don’t got the beat

A’int quite the Mines of Moria

Minions. Why did it have to be Minions?

It doesn’t have to be a snowman

Someday We’ll Find It

And me without my baggy pants

Tools come in all sizes

Indignities abound

Bliss

This Ain’t Motel Six

Can it Gizmo

Doomed To Repeat It

Reset the Wayback Machine, Sherman. We broke something.

It’s Not The Fall That Kills You…

Hey, it’s a living…

Elementary

My Heart Will Go On

Come Fly With Me

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse

I need a volunteer from the audience

Ace of Dummies

Who doesn’t enjoy a good smiting?

Thief of Hearts and Samsungs

A Hole in my Heart

I Feel Pretty, So Pretty

The Secret Ingredient is Love

Just like the old age home

I love a parade

Still no hover boards?

Trick or …

The Devil’s Workshop

Is Caring

A little bit of the ultra-cleaning

Bring me my brown shirt…and hat…and goggles

Hmm, depends…

Search your Feelings…

The Ministry Of Silly Talks

Cannonball!

Is it 420 Already?

Operation Snatch and Grab

The fool or the fool who follows the fool

Swipe Left Young Man

Want some cheese with that whine?

Just a pinch…

Love me as though there were no tomorrow

Worst part of waking up

Never Miss a Day

Nobody knows…

Is it still cannibalism if you’re a chicken?

What Ever Happened to Judge Rheinhold?

And she smelled of elderberries

Even more ripping off the classics

Wheel of Morality Says: Eat more fiber!

Oathbreaker

Side effects include

Phrasing?

Under the water, the fish don’t stink

I take my misery with two sugars

You’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s a little slow.

Sprinkles are for winners

We should pull over for gas

Where there’s a whig, there’s a way

And On Your Right, Yet Another Seattle Burnt Coffee Shop

Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

Couldn’t hit the broadside of a…

I Don’t Have a Square to Spare

Gonna Fly Now

Mission One Eight Seven

Faceless No Longer

And don’t come down until you’re ready to apologize!

The Sebastian Confrontation

Life Finds a Way

Nothing wrong with a bit of bribery between friends

Widdle Wiggy Woogums

Sometimes the Laundry Sorts You

Circle of Life

Snards. Its what’s for dinner.

Don’t blow your wig

10,000 ways that won’t work

Actually, they’re kinda bland till you scoop sugar on ’em.

Only yourselves to blame

Splitter!

At least you don’t handle his “delicates”

If You Could Go Ahead and Do That…That’d be Greeeeaaat!

Why Put Off Tomorrow What You Can Do Today

PC Load Letter? What the F@#$ does that mean?

Night gathers, and now my watch begins.

Light ‘Em Up

And I thought he smelled bad on the outside

That’s the Power of Pine-Sol, Baby!

Yo soy la noche

I’ve seen enough hentai to know what happens next…

ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.

Need a little pick me up

Superheroing ain’t easy

I’ll packa your bags for your trip.

The Adventures of The Possum!

The Adventures of The Cockroach

And now I forgot my social security number!

A Crummy Caper

I Said Good Day Sir!

Um, look, if we built this large wooden badger…

A Soggy Situation

But all the other villains make fun of my chin

Overcompensating Much?

What are these? Girl Scout Cookies for Ants?

The Real Reason Invulnerable Superheroes Need Super Suits

Hold Onto Your Butts

The Asparagus Strikes Back

When you wish upon a star

Kitty Perry Sings the Blues

I hope the flying piranhas are house broken

My Secret Identity Disorder

A Song of Wait and Wonder

Nobody Puts Soda Popinski in the Corner

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Men at Work

Why not Southpaw Sundays?

Grab your ankles, please

I prefer starlight mints in mine…

Lowered Expectations Means You’ll Never be Disappointed

Make a like a tree…and get back to work!

Probably just picked the first word in the dictionary

It clearly said ‘Do Not Touch’

Time for a time out

That Fourth Wall’s Lookin’ Kinda Flimsy

Who weeps for the aardvark?

I see what you’re driving at…

It was bound to happen

The Creative Process Needs a Shove

Something old is something new

Mmmmm…Chocolate

Also presenting, the bleeps, the sweeps and the creeps

A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter

Sadder than a discount Valentine

Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.

At least it’s out of it’s misery

That’s two minutes for whining

Really Driving These Puns

Started at the Bottom

Customer Disservice

You Light Up My Life

April Blizzards Bring May…Blizzards?

A job most foul

There goes his tip

Writers can be vindictive

You can’t draw and goof off at the same time

I wish this strip would draw itself…

Every job can be automated…

I guess this makes me the tool

Well Noted…

You’re Big in Japan

Never make a promise you’d hate to keep

Maybe if you hum a few bars?

Don’t ask about the cheese…

Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into

Sometimes you need lackeys in bulk

Still probably safer than most street meat.

I’m a doctor not an orthographer!

You know what? That’s gonna hurt.

Catches on quick, doesn’t he?

I think his ears look funny

He’s getting real good at it, too.

He’s getting hip to the get down

Kiss me like you miss me

Heaven help you if they’re not in season!

At least she’s not asking for brunch…

The leading cause of misery for artists is writers

Everyone thinks they can write.

Some situations are seldom swashed swiftly when buckles...

If you want something done right, do it yourself.

Not responsible for hair in awkward places.

Sleeping the sleep of the innocent, despite myself

I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob

Clean up your act before I get back!

It’s like the eye follows you wherever you go.

I haven’t had a decent sacrifice in ages

I couldn’t carrot all

Now he’s the Atomized Avenger

There go the best fries in Hero City

Everybody wants to be a star

You’re gonna be in trouble when mom gets home.

Lights out on Cell Block D

Now just wait a second…

He’s a big fan

That’s some heavy funk

Some say it’s still at large till this very day…

Those marvelous scammers sure scammed us, huh?

You might be a Targaryen

You pay what you get for…or something like that.

The muse has struck

Gesundheit!

Your Freudian slip is showing…

Time to make the donuts.

In Hero City, egg beats you!

Wait, people actually read this comic?

Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

Give That Monkey A Typewriter!

Speedsters are big jerks.

How do you make a goth giggle?

If you keep making that face, it’ll stay that way.

A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Gonna need a steamer to get that out.

We want the funk.

Stuck in the middle with you.

Don’t go getting all choked up now.

Avoid the prat-falls of comedy.

I think he’s finally getting it

Please apply again at a later time. Much later.

That’s why it’s called ‘Duty’.

He’s in serious treble.

Chillin’ like a villain

Radio Blah Blah

Candygram for Mongo?

Not going anywhere for a while?

Head over heels for his art.

I before me except after thee

Ah hell, give me a white wine spritzer.

Wake me up when December ends.

This show stinks.

No one is in comics for the money.

Why go high when you can go low?

Eight out of nine ain’t bad

Ching Chang Walla Walla Bing Bang.

Who wants a Hertz Donut?

Toss this gag in the ditcher.

This is why I take baths.

I like coffee. It gives me the illusion that I'm be awake

Wait, Wilhemina?

Does this glow look infected?

Family Matters.

I’m not throwing away my shot.

Don’t forget to tap your mana.

Why did you say that name!?

He’s only mostly dead.

The plumage don’t enter into it.

Hold Still

I don’t think that’s sanitary

You keep on knocking but you can’t come in.

I don’t have a square to spare.

Did someone hear a snap?

Social Distance Creativity Disorder

Social Distance is Working.

The reaper does not listen to the harvest

Groovy

Do your ears hang low?

Stealing power is better for the environment

It’s so mindbogglingly useful!

Funk Sole Brother

They love me on eBay

This is not the way

She misses her lil’ Boopsie

Prison changes you

Oink Bro

Can Timmy come out to play?

They’re all gonna laugh at you

Wipe your feet!

Gotta catch ’em all

Hush now, Mama’s here

I’ve got something in my eye

What’s that dirt on your chin?

Stay-cation!

Yoink!

Don’t call it a comeback

That tingling feeling means it’s working!

For a nice and shiny coat…

It’s a Dog Groomed Shame

Splish Splash

How to Zoom

Twisted up like a Rubik’s Cubist

Infernal Delivery

Sorry…Affogato your name

Something fishy is going on.

Not bad. Cod do better.

Out of the frying pan?

The sea is dark and full of terrors.

No chance of parole now…

This one is driving me crazy

Caped Caper

It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone

How do you plead?

Misery loves company

Did you get the memo?

In space, no one can hear you telemarket.

404 Joke Not Found

Bodacious

He’s gonna go hungry…

Everybody’s a Loki

And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

Netflix and …

It’s in beta

That’s not write…

I have the power!

Mouth for What?

Dammit Jim!

One more thing…

You can’t expect much from us.

How about an extended warranty?

Lawyer up bruh

I won’t ask again…

These strips keep on rollin’

That was easy!

Not the Bees!

In the back of a Volkswagen?

Freaky Friday?

Make like a tree and GTFO

Am I supposed to be punishing myself?

Like, Take a Chill Pill

Same Crap, Different Year

Somebody order fried spam?

Kitchen Nightmares

Today’s Forecast: My own private hell

Be sure to file in triplicate

At least death is final

To The Moon!

We always call each other Gopherllas

Are Henchmen Claimed as Dependents or Furniture?

I hear they’re scruffy lookin’

Smell ya later.

At least they wore seatbelts

Rock the Cantina

Same damn time…same damn channel

Bros before heroes

It’s not me, it’s you.

Heinously Sad

Why the long face?

Bark at the moon

It’s dark. And we’re wearing sunglasses.

Definitely not a bird

It’s not the fall that’ll kill you

And we’re running now.

No Capes!

I bet this never happens to Clark Kent

I don’t think the disguise is working…

Get off our lawn, youngin’

With a Minor in Dastardly Arts

I don’t think he gets it.

Nothing gets by you…

You don’t have to go home, but…

Underwear Goes Inside The Pants Policy

As Seen on TV

Definitely Number Two

Not my best work…

Mark loves extra mayo and pickles

Should we tell him we lost track?

Forcing creative work is like forcing a fart…

I’m a writer, not a laborer.

Attack The Block

Kickstart My Heart

The Usual Anxiety

From hell’s heart I stab at thee

Hold on a minute…

Out of this world

Guten Tag Krankenschwester

Keeping on Track

Instructions Unclear

He’s got the glow

I’m all outta bubblegum

We’ve actually heard worse pitches

I’m out.

Don’t You (Forget About Me)

Out of the pan…

La Femelle Fatale

Nobody calls me…chicken

Obsession

Are we expecting more than one?

Elaine’s Revenge

Crikey what a drongo

Kentucky Fried Cluck

He’ll be back, right?

Well that escalated QUICKLY

You stay classy Hero City

When will it end?

Have you tried anvils?

Not laughing WITH you…

Leave No Witnesses

Now with more cannon fodder

Barely got to know him

Plug it back in and maybe it’ll work

We got a runner!

A road much traveled

Do I need a breath mint?

Which way is he going?

What has he been eating?

I’m not falling for this again.

Haggar has ‘em wholesale

You must construct additional pylons

Act First. Plan Never.

This little piggy said, ‘Yes Please’.

Seek Help

Negotiations are somewhat rocky at best

Beats solving your problems

The resemblance is uncanny!

I could park this car in the shadow of his…

Don’t tase me bro!

Everything but the kitchen sink.

Don’t make me come in there!

Katnip Everdeen

It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

#511

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